This has been a year of transitions for me.  Life keeps changing and this is a normal but I already know that there are several big changes yet to happen this year.  For the past few months, I’ve know that both of my kids will be moving this summer, but I haven’t known where or when.  They are at an age where my help in this process is either still required (for one) or it would be very helpful (for the other).  This means that my summer plans have been largely up in the air for the last few months.  I’ve been living with the certainty that both of my kids will need me this summer, but the uncertainty of when.

I’m a planner and to have this go on for the past few months has meant that I haven’t been able to plan past June of this year .  There are things that I’d like to do but the timing of them depended on my schedule and I didn’t have my schedule yet.  So, I couldn’t plan out my summer.

While this was more inconvenience than anything else, I was reminded that even though I’m an empty nester my parenting duties/skills couldn’t be put away for good.  I’m still a parent & I hope my kids still need me in some capacity for a long time to come.  Nonetheless, I’m finding that with my kids our of the house, my skills are called in to action at random times.

I’m also finding that I’m moving into this post-child rearing phase in fits and starts.   It’s not a one step forward process and I’m done.  It’s more like 2 or 3 steps forward on this new path and then one backwards or even sideways.  My path is going back and forth more than I expected at this point.

While this path isn’t quite what I expected, it is the one that I have at right now.  My kids both still need me to be present in their lives in a substantial way.  It’s not as much as when they were in elementary or middle school for sure, but I want to be there for them in this way.

There has been a bit of a benefit to this uncertainty.  It has given me the chance to settle into the moment.  I look forward a lot and being unsure of my summer schedule let me enjoy what is right here and right now for me.  I’ve been able to adjust to some of the changes that have already occurred without thinking too much about the ones that still need to happen this year.

So, I’m thinking that sometimes living with uncertainty can be a good thing.  I’ve been more mindful of the present and less preoccupied by how the near future will look.  In many ways this is a blessing.  After all, we can only do so much about pre-planning our future.  Much of the future is out of our control.  However, we can live in the present moment.  We can accept and enjoy what is happening right now for us.

As I write this, I can’t help but think that this uncertainty over my summer has been more of a gift than I realized.

With that in mind, I’m still feeling a sense of relief that some of those puzzle pieces are beginning to fall into place regarding my kids.  I’ll soon know where each of them will be & when I need to help move them.  That makes the planner inside of me happy and she’s ready to go into action any time now.

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