As a mom, I was all in. I put my kids first in every way. While that meant that I was always there for my kids, it also meant that I wasn’t there for myself. In fact, it meant that by the time that my kids left home I didn’t even know who I was anymore.
I’ve talked with so many moms that got so intertwined with their kids that they don’t know where there kids end and where they themselves start. In a lot of ways, I was also that mom.
It was heartbreaking to realize this! I remember that moment when it happened. I was in my very first yoga therapy training and had spent time connecting to my body and the wisdom within. It was then that I realized that I just didn’t know myself anymore.
That was a hard moment!
I can see now that I was having a bit of an identity crisis. Who was I? What did I want? These were some of the questions that I asked myself.
This identity crisis was part of the Empty Nest Syndrome that so many parents go through as their kids leave home. After spending so much time and effort on raising your kids, this makes so much sense to me.
What a perfect opportunity!
When your kids leave home after high school, it doesn’t have to be all bad. You have opportunities that you probably didn’t have before. Now that your kids are out of the house, you have extra time to do the things that you put on hold, to have more quality time with your spouse and/or friends, to pursue hobbies and to simply be with yourself in your free time.
Family dynamics have shifted and you’ll begin to shift inside as well.
The way I see it, when your kids graduate high school & move out, it’s more of a beginning than an ending. Yes, your relationship will change with your kids as they become adults. Yes, you won’t need to be the same mom that you’ve been in the past. However, your adult children will still need you. Just in a different way. This is the beginning of a new relationship with your children as well as a new relationship with yourself.
My own journey…
So, I’ve spent the last several years on a journey to understand myself again. To me, having your kids move out is a major life change. It’s been as life altering as when they were first born. This shift hasn’t been easy but it has been fulfilling to get to know my own needs and wants again.
I’ve realized that it’s okay to be a separate person from my kids and that all of my life connections don’t have to revolve around my kids. I can have hobbies, goals and interests that my kids don’t understand or aren’t a part of and that’s okay too!
As a mom, my original goal was to raise my kids to be independent people who can survive without me. I spent time teaching them to do their laundry, to cook and how to navigate life’s ups & downs. I’ve accomplished my original goal. My kids are both thriving as young adults in their own ways and I’m so proud of them.
Now, my goals have changed. These new goals are being created as I get to know myself on a deeper level again. I find it very liberating and exciting to be creating these new goals!
How did I get to this point?
I’ve gotten through this transitional period by using many of the skills that I’ve learned in my yoga therapy trainings. I’ve learned to listen to my own inner wisdom in a much deeper way. I now let that inner wisdom help to guide me as I make decisions and create goals. I’ve spent a lot of time writing in my journal, practicing awareness and learning about myself.
As I’ve gotten deeper into my yoga therapy training, those courses have been like support groups to me. I’ve been able to learn from them and to bring into my life the things that support me.
Now, I find myself running support groups for other moms as you make this same transition and reconnect to yourself. I get to support you through this major life change but I also continue to learn about myself in the process. It’s a win-win!
I’m looking forward to September!
Next month, I’ll be running my online support group called Who Am I Now? . It’s open to all moms who are about to go through this major life transition or who already have. I’m so excited to bring this support group to life and help other moms. When we support one another, then we all benefit.
Registration opens on August 31st. If you’re ready to make some changes in your life, then you’ll want to be a part of this group!
I can’t wait to see you thrive in this stage of life too!
Until next week…
Love & Hugs,