Holidays

We’re right in the middle of the 2020 holiday season.   Holiday changes are happening whether we want them to or not.

Did your Thanksgiving start off the season with lots of good food, friends, and/or family?  Or, did you spend it without a loved one because of Covid?  I did both.

I got to see my sister & her husband but not my kids or my parents.   We normally get a large group together for the holiday.  I I was sad to not have that this year.  It’s a difficult way to end the year with holidays that are anything but normal.

The pandemic is making everything different this year.

In addition, this time of year can be harder once you become an empty nester. 

Many of the fun traditions that you established when your kids were young are no longer part of your lives.  Your kids have grown, moved out and started their own lives.  This means that your daily life is different & your holiday changes are all around you!

My daughter is currently living on the other side of the US in New Mexico.  I live in South Carolina.  Thank goodness for the occasional video chat so that I can see her smiling face! That physical distance between us is even harder during the holidays.  

My son is at college in Florida.   The last time we were together was in June.  Because he wasn’t comfortable traveling, I only got to see him on Zoom as well!

It gets harder to get everyone together as they get older.  Then add  in the extra concerns of the pandemic & it gets even harder.  This makes me miss the days when they were still living at home.  I had no trouble getting us all in the same state then. 

It can get confusing

I miss my kids when they are in their new lives, and I look forward to our times together.  I relish the memories that we make & I enjoy being a part of their lives in a closer way.

However, I also am enjoying my time as an empty nester.  I get to focus on my own wants & needs in a way that I couldn’t do when my kids were young.  That means that I’m setting up my schedule for me instead of around my kid’s activities.  That also means that I’m eating what I want, when I want it instead of staying with a fixed routine because of my kids.

Now, when my kids are away from home, I find myself looking forward to them being home.  And, when my kids are at home, I find myself happy to return to this state of focusing on my own needs & wants again.  It feels selfish both ways.

So, it’s harder to get us all together now (especially during a pandemic) and it takes more effort to make it happen. I miss them when they are gone & I look forward to my alone time again when we’ve been together for awhile.

That’s not confusing at all…

This time of life can be full of contradictions. 

Many moms find that they want to return to the time when their kids were younger.  These same moms are enjoying a new career, hobby or downtime when their kids are gone.  We want to return to the past & we’re happy in the present.  We’re often filled with mixed emotions.  We’re sad to be apart but we also miss our time to ourselves when we’ve been around our kids for awhile.

It sounds a bit messy & it is.  It’s also normal.  I’ve heard from many other moms say these same things.  They often feel guilty for enjoying their  own lives and at the same time miss their kids.  It’s not always easy to navigate this path.  It helps to speak with others about it.  So, find someone else who is an empty nester & share what you’re feeling. You’ll feel better when you do.  

Don’t go through this shift alone if you don’t have to do so.  If you’d like help with this transitional time of life, then check out Who Am I Now?  In it, I’ll help you reconnect to yourself so that you can create a dream life in this stage of life too!

Holiday changes can be unsettling

We’ve just started the holiday season.  Be kind to yourself as you navigate all of the ups and downs that come with this time of year.  Know that it’s normal to simultaneously miss your kids and your own life at the same time.   The same can be said for the changes that have come because of the pandemic.

Take it one day at a time and maybe create some new traditions this year!

Love & hugs,

Becky

P.S.  If you’d like to get results faster, then schedule a free chat with me.  Let’s talk about your goals and how I can help you reach them.

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