Have you ever been in a conversation with someone and before you can even finish you’re thought, the other person is trying to solve or fix the issue? Or maybe they start to tell you about something in their life that they think relates to what you’re talking about right now? I find this very frustrating because the other person isn’t really listening. Rather they are trying to fix the issue so that they can move on to something else. When this happens, I often feel less than important because the other person isn’t really listening to me completely. I feel the conversation or interaction isn’t quite complete because I haven’t really been heard and sometimes you just want to be heard.
If you ever come away from a conversation feeling not quite satisfied, then maybe you weren’t really heard. Being fully heard leads to a much deeper personal connection and when that is lacking in our daily conversations, then you’ll find a lack of satisfaction in your communication with other people.
It’s a skill that isn’t taught in school.
Through my yoga therapy training I’ve spent many hours learning how to deeply listen to another person. From my training one thing that I realized is that this is a skill that we often don’t teach kids. Most of us grow up listening but not really paying attention to what another person is saying. What then happens is that we don’t learn to take the time to really figure out what someone is saying and whether we need to do anything to help them or whether we just need to deeply listen to the other person.
After I began to spend so much time deeply listening to other people, I began to notice how often others are not really listening to me. Instead other people will partially listen, assume that they know what I’m really meaning and then begin to formulate a response to my situation or problem. Usually, I don’t really need their solution. The response is not actually appropriate to the situation. In these instances, I find that because someone else only partially listened to what I was saying, they really don’t understand what is happening in my life.
Sometimes you just want to be heard.
Usually, I don’t need other people to offer solutions or to fix me. If I want your advice on something, then I’ll ask you for it. What I mostly want in my daily communication with other people is for them to really listen to what I’m saying and to understand my point of view.
Does this sound familiar to you? Do you find other people rushing to offer advice even though they haven’t really listened to you?
If you’re like me, then sometimes you just want to be heard. You don’t need other people telling you what to do. Most of the time, you already have an idea what you need to do. It just helps to have someone else hear it before you move forward with whatever it is.
There’s a deeper way to listen!
When I found Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy, I found a group of people who have made it their goal to listen to others not only with their ears but with their whole bodies. This deep listening skill set leads a Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapist to ask questions so that they can clarify what you are saying. They’ll ask you to explain what you mean and to go deeper so that you will have a better chance to develop what you’re saying. Through this process, you’ll have the chance to be understood.
I won’t try to fix you because that’s usually not you really need. Sometimes you just want to be heard and as such, I’ll let you come up with your own solution instead of telling you what to do. In this way, you’ll learn to listen to your own inner wisdom.
I find this approach so liberating in my own life. Too many times I’ve had someone tell me what to do, but not really understand me Being empowered to come up with my own solutions or paths to take lets me be in charge of my life. I get to guide myself from my own internal wisdom and I know that I will be doing what is best for me.
This is what I do for other people. I deeply listen to them. I empower them to come up with their own solutions to whatever issue or problem that they are facing. If someone is dealing with anxiety, then I will listen to what is causing the anxiety and I will also listen as they work out the best way to begin to alleviate the anxiety. If someone is working through a previous trauma, then I’ll deeply listen to what’s happening and help them to find a way forward.
Now it’s your turn to listen more deeply instead of immediately trying fix the people around you. Try giving someone your complete attention in a conversation. Simply listen . It’s not always easy to do. You’ll want to offer a solution because it’s not easier to just witness a problem. However, give it a try and notice the change that it brings to your communication. Be present and connected. You’ll create a much deeper communication with the person with you.
If deep listening is missing in your life, then I can help. I can support you in whatever life issue is happening right now. Click here to schedule an appointment. I’m ready to deeply listen when you’re ready to talk.